Rambling Blog About Me

I've been delaying posting today, in the same way that I've been delaying doing anything. Brazen Hussy and I just moved to Uville. She's wading into her new job, learning lots of new things and becoming acclimated to a very different life. My life is different too - except it mostly consists of sitting around the house waiting for the phone to ring and filling out job applications.

It's gotten me to thinking about the ambiguous but ultimately essential role the work plays in our lives. We don't necessarily like doing it, we bitch about it, but take it away - and we immediately are adrift and even guilty. When Brazen and I were in New York, I had a job and Brazen was looking for one. She was employed, but it was temporary, and much of her psychic energy was wrapped up in looking for something more permanent. Now I'm the one looking, and she's the one with work. And now I see a little more clearly how anxious she was.

Like many people, I would rather not be working. I would rather be playing. One of the amazing things about being required to perform a task is that no matter how much one loved doing the task before, it instantly becomes drudgery the moment it is no longer strictly voluntary. Other activities - any other activities - suddenly become much more intesting.

I have always lived for the weekend, the day off, the vacation, or at least quitting time. Sure I did my job as well as a could, but I couldn't say I really enjoyed working. It was more a matter of some jobs being unendurable and others being simply tedious. The idea of sitting around doing nothing seemed like heaven. You know the guy in Office Space - that was me.

Or so I thought. Now that I don't have to be somewhere in the morning, I'm bored out of my mind and desperate for something constructive to do. Contrary to my expectations, it's not "all I thought it could be." I should have known, because Brazen was always laughing at me for wanting to "do nothing" on the weekends, but then immediately coming up with a long list of things to do.

We work, therefore we are. It's not just the money. Even if I had a million in the bank, I would still have to do something. We hate working, but we have to do it. I don't know if it's genes or environment, but it sure does seem fundamental.