The Longest Day In the History of the Universe

Brazen's always accusing me of exaggerating, but I tell you, no day in the history of days has ever been as snail-like as this one. I swear I've been lapped by moss growing at least twice.

To make matters worse, tonight I have to go to an office party at a McMansion. Said party will likely involve upwards of 20 screaming children. Maybe I can convince Brazen to let me borrow her flask & fill it with scotch or something......